Another hello.

Hello my little page to shout at.
Am feeling pretty depressed about le home. Mom is struggling and is becoming too afraid to face another shock or set back now. It really is a series of unfortunate events. The man has puffed up his balls and return to his old douche methods. Screaming at anyone and bullying brother.
I pray that he will never move in with us and i am hoping the new house comes. Sis and i will support ourselves. or at least we try. we can have a small little happy home. Yes mom's marriage may be screwed but at least we are happy.

I wish i had more money. i really wish i had.

humans should sometimes revolve a little more around the world, instead of constantly making the world revolve around them. we just need the balance and people to agree that we are balanced

I have been through it.

Loads of thoughts have been going through my head. For some reason each time i am working, my brain reminds me of my current status, unwanted by all the universities i have applied so far. With national service round the corner it is a reminder that i don't have time left. I desperately want a letter of acceptance. I just need the interview. I need this break.

I have been through the feeling of loneliness, never really feeling part of a group no matter how hard i try. I tried giving love as much support as i could regarding her problem and than i ask myself what would i have done in her situation. Would i even have the courage to step up and say "hey i feel @#@#@#@ about this matter" Maybe the advices i give is a self actualization to what kind of person i feel i should be, This is something i should work on. Being able to speak my mind without fear.

The need to stay relavent.

Work was tiring today. I have been pretty absent minded recently due to the lack of sleep. The red letter finally came. Will be enlisting on the 13th of August. A mix of feelings filled my head when i read the letter, first came the fear of uncertainty - Army was never my thing, i really did not know what to expect. Dinner with Ye Hua and Hui Min reminded me that in army i may never have time for my friends without sacrificing family and my love. The media does influence minds, and "Ah Boys To Men" is definitely not a good show for couples going through NS. I have decided that i will do my best and enjoy myself in this 1 year 10 months.

Feelings were hurt today.

Twenty never again.

There, i have been alive for almost two decades. It is a scary thought how fast a journey it has been. It still felt like yesterday how i let go of grandma's hand to walk alone in Punggol primary. Looking back at my poly life through my past blog post. Mindsets has been changed.

I shall use this as a medium of self reflection and be more aware of my inner thoughts. Introvert much, but yes.
Shall make it a habit to blog more often and more positively.

5 Good things that are happening to me now

1) I am healthy and alive.

What's better than a healthy body?

2) I have enough money to support myself.

The job at Uniqlo is making ends meet, and i got better clothes to wear now. Can't complain.

3) Mom is making ends meet, the family is still surviving

 There is not a day where i wanna kick that guys ass out of the house, soon. but mom just needs to support brother and herself as wells as the bills. We can survive if everyone works hard.

4) I have a loving girlfriend.

She may have been the best thing that has ever happened to me. She may have her flaws and huge amount of disagreements, but not a day goes by where i don't love her more and more. 

5) I have good friends.

I am still in touch with 7.s , the Steadys, Salabueys, Sherrie, Tzu Ying. Not to mention Best friend Ghimchoon, and childhood friend Ye hua and Hui min.

Heads up Kel, the next phrase of your life is coming soon. Yes i can be more positive.

I want to study.

Give me the reason of life please. It's getting meaningless.